Mask by Taryn

My beautiful and resilient stepdaughter had a moment of clarity this weekend, when our friends asked her to share how she survived such a difficult time in her life. I think it was in this moment she realized that there was purpose to her pain and that sharing with someone brings her strength full circle. She truly SAW herself.

That night she told me she wanted to write a blog post and asked if I could share on my website… She’s amazing. Here are her words…

You know that feeling when everything is crashing down… You feel weak like you're worthless and Nobody cares about you. My experience with that feeling is well known. This is my story of surviving an Alcoholic.

Imagine a small 7-year-old girl. Long brown hair, glasses, two front teeth are missing. And helpless. Has a little brother that's 2 years old. Has 2 main friends and has scars from what happened to her mother.

When my brother was born I was happy (even though I asked for a sister). My mother drank on special occasions but not every day. My Dad would go to work and save lives, but like every superhero, it's hard to save his family. 

After a few months of my brother's hatch day, my mother started to drink more often. But how would I know I was only a 7 year old.. I loved my mother dearly, but she and my father fought when he was home. My dad was working over time to avoid being home, but more because of financial struggles. My mother talked bad about my father's side of the family to me, but I didn't know or care so I just went on my jolly way. 

Soon my mother started to smoke and drink more. But nothing physical yet. Around that time she started to get very angry quickly. She called me dumb and fat to my face. I didn't say anything to my dad or grandparents because she said that “everyone's family was like this” and “this is our special secret”. Shortly after she started to get physical with me, not my brother. Why? Because I was his shield, I never let anything happen to him or my dogs. My brother is now 6 and doesn't remember anything, but I'm happy he doesn't remember the terrible things that happened to his older sister. I hid my scars and bruises from everyone because I thought that everyone else hid theirs too. It was like this until the summer, when she was so weak that she couldn’t hurt me. Instead, she made me make and give her drinks. I’ll never forget the day my dad gave me the news that my she had passed away from a kidney failure. I was sad but It felt like a weight was lifted. Shortly after that, we all fell in love with Sammy.

How I got here today was by opening up to her. She understood being in chains. She was the first one I told about the pain and anger. People make bad choices sometimes and it hurts you, and you can love them still. And sometimes you have to understand that both feelings can exist. The bad things that happened to me, gave me a chance to understand other people and what it could be like to live in their shoes. I learned that even though people can make mistakes and life can change, you can still choose to live a good life and not live in the shadows, and I’ve learned I can still trust people and love them. Once I finally talked about my heartbreak and anger, I became stronger than it.

I know that everytime Sammy does a Blog post she recommends a song! And when I wrote this I knew that the song 'Heart of Stone', By SIX The Musical cast was a perfect song. It talks about the confusion in a relationship and how you can stay strong during that period of time. If you are feeling like you're being mentally or physically abused by someone, talk to someone you know and trust, so that it can be stopped. Then your pain can become purpose.

PS. Sorry that I sound so much like Sammy, it’s a whole thing in our house now. ;)