love story.

This is about a love story.

And it starts with the Savannah Bananas… anybody heard of them? WATCH THEM NOW.

Dave and I have fallen in love with our own little Savannah Bananas… we call them the LaSalle Oranges.

Valentine’s Day 2023, we had the opportunity to sit down, meet, and learn the story of Chief Husley of LaSalle Fire Protection District. What we didn’t know, was that day was about to change our lives for good.

Chief Husley is one of the most fearless men we’ve ever met. Alongside is his sidekick, Chief Hill, and the four of us share mutual love of real and raw vulnerability, personal struggle and triumph, performing 2% better everyday, habits and process building, Stoicism and brain plasticity. Fast forward one year later, our shared visions, Husley’s fearlessness, and his trust in us and our platform, has transformed the culture at LaSalle Fire and we are stepping into unknown territory with confidence, support, and fucking mad desire to change how responders thrive, and to inevitably sustain longevity in their lives, to KEEP THEM ALIVE.

In short, Dave and I spend 6 hours a month at LaSalle Fire with the crews and the Chiefs honoring their O.R.A.N.G.E. mission of Outstanding Service, Relationships, Accountability, Noble purpose, Greatness, Extreme ownership. 2 hours of intentional time with each shift, where we sit, workout or walk together and deep dive into real, meaningful, and profound conversations about mental health, the emotional toll of the job, trauma exposure, relationship skills and communication threats. We work from a philosophy of Stoicism: understanding and managing your emotions (WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A STOIC), and present 2 hour topics each month building on mental resiliency and exercising the mind. We have worked through suicide, behavioral symptoms of trauma, divorce and death, team building and empathy, compassion fatigue, mind and body connection, anger management and anxiety redirection, home struggles, parenting, values and honor, mindset and perspective…. we’ve done group art therapy (ART THERAPY WITH LASALLE), and book clubbing. And this island of misfits (as Chief Husley describes them), participate, listen, share, laugh, CRY with us, together, inside this bright orange station, and we all leave a bit brighter, healthier, and heard.

There have been many times that Chief Hill and Chief Husley call us to just share a, “WHAT THE FUCK?” moment after our sessions, just to validate and make sure what happened had just really happened. Dave and I are in awe of this department’s ability to get behind our weird idea of Mental Fitness for first responders and own the shit out of it. Every. Single. Time. we are there. We all show up together: the volunteers, the historic company members who have been at LaSalle for years with endless family history, the new kids with eyes wide open, the old grumps set in their ways, the hard workers and farmers, the body builders and martial artists, the medics who come in and out of LaSalle’s doors, the country cowboys, the metro millennials…and for 2 hours we are the same. We always laugh and say, we all have a million different parts of our lives, but we all share the same problems, same struggles. And these hours where we all let our guards down, heal us.

Last night, we had the opportunity to attend our first LaSalle Fire yearly banquet, where the Chiefs recognize their crews and celebrate their wins. It was a beautiful night and NOTHING we expected. After the many amazing honors of the dedicated line staff, Chief Husley began to share a story of the early months of 2023, and his unwavering dedication and concern for upholding his value as their Chief. He talked about wanting to do more for his staff, to care, to teach, to love. And through one of his valued captains he learned about Elevate, and this strange idea we were implementing by being onsite with departments and building a culture of mental care and love. He said he knew from the beginning we were the missing piece to his team.

Chief Husley presented Dave, Siren, and I, with Life Saving Awards. One of the highest achievements to receive in a firefighting career. Team Freyta got three.

I am not a firefighter. Siren is a DOG. Dave doesn’t work for LaSalle. We did not save any lives on the line of duty.

I cannot begin to explain to you what this honor feels like. Dave describes this moment as standing in a cloud and feeling detached from our bodies, a moment when we were watching this happen to us, an out of body experience. Chief asked us to stand next to him as spoke to the crowd, and asked anyone who had been impacted by us, to come up and stand next to us. As 3 quarters of the room gathered around us with hugs and tears, we watched spouses and partners we had never met come up as well and share this moment with us.

There is NO amount of words or thanks or gratitude I could extend to LaSalle for bestowing us with this honor. It’s unwordable. We can only promise to embrace this honor, to embrace this cultural shift, and to continue to witness and recognize the men and women who dedicated time in their lives to show up for each other and themselves. And. We can learn from this and continue to take moments to reflect and to grow…

What we learned.

1.) Push past fear to find momentum. The Chiefs at LaSalle, saw potential in what we had to offer. No matter the obstacles, no matter the potential set backs, and eye rolls, outside judgments and lack of confidence in this program, no matter the varied personality types and backgrounds of their crews, they charged forward and they gave this a chance. They modeled vulnerability. They honored meaningful discussions. They encouraged discomfort. They embraced weird.

A young firefighter, strong, noble, fast paced and efficient, came up to me with his wife after the banquet. We were blessed with endless gratitude and hugs and tears this night, but I’ll never forget what this young man asked of me, with his beautiful bride next to him... “Sammy, maybe don’t tell anyone it was my idea, but can we do MORE ART THERAPY?”.

“Today I escaped anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions- not outside.” - Marcus Aurelius

2.) Just as we believed, vulnerability is the recipe for change. Our community continues to face a stigma. The stigma that it is weak to ask for help. It is weak to share our emotions. It is problematic to be personally affected by the job of a responder. Suck it up, stash it somewhere and move on, fight the tears, be strong, don’t talk about it. We are doing the opposite at our departments. Don’t give up, communicate when you’re not okay, be present, cry with us and heal, be strong by sharing, talk it out. There’s no one out there that can challenge me and say this shit doesn’t work. I had a room full of “misfits” prove there is POWER in vulnerability. There is STRENGTH. There is FORTITUDE. Prove me wrong.

“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” - Epictetus

3.) Do not allow the misjudgment of others to cloud your vision. When we share with most community members, words about the work we are doing with LaSalle, we can be met with looks of confusion and doubt… “Really? I wouldn’t expect that from a small, rural department.” As humans we experience life through our own lenses. We create thoughts, beliefs, realities around our own perceptions and judgments. Intention and authenticity can break down barriers. Intention and authenticity in repetition can change opinions. Intentions and authenticity in consistent repetition can improve lives. Prove me wrong.

“If I wanted to be like everyone else - like the mob- then I wouldn’t have become a philosopher.” -Ryan Holiday on Daily Stoic

4.) Moments matter. Everything is fleeting, and we must learn to reinvest in the present moment, because in the end, moments are all we have. While we will never be able to duplicate this beautiful moment we shared with the members of our team and their families, we can reflect, and we can continue to charge forward. To take the momentum we’ve built as a community and make every next moment count. Dave and I will not continue to live in this inflated space and allow this success to lead us to complacency. We will honor it, process it, and use it. It will motivate us to continue, not to pump the brakes. To work harder. You can’t prove us wrong.

“We ought to do good to others as simply as a horse runs, or a bee makes honey, or a vine bears grapes season after season without thinking of the grapes it has borne.”- Marcus Aurelius

5.) “Let the dogs bark, Sancho. It is a sign that we're moving forward,” Don Quixote said.

2023 was the hardest year, Dave and I have ever gone through together. We were severely challenged by some members of our community. Challenged is now how we choose to look at it, but I have to admit in the moments of these obstacles, we were broken, devastated, pained. It has only been through our lessons and sticking together that we have overcome.

Following the loss of Dave’s late wife to her addiction, he was met with extreme adversity. Many of his department members told stories of his trauma, twisted reality, turned his pain into drama. Dave was suicidal just months before she passed. He had put a date in his phone that he was planning to leave the home permanently with his children, if she continued to refuse to get help, and she died a week prior. He made mistakes in their marriage, he did not have the skills to communicate effectively, and he did not have support. Dave does not shy away from sharing this with our community.

Following the divorce of my first husband, many of my family and friends were skeptical of my decision. I made mistakes in my marriage, I did not have the skills to communicate effectively, and at times I did not feel like I had support. I do not shy away from sharing this with our community and my clients.

We use our mistakes as lessons. We've learned, we’ve grown, we developed skills and principles to follow in our marriage to keep us from repeating detrimental mistakes and to ensure the longevity of our partnership. And we are open and honest, because we believe our lessons have the power to help others. (OUR ETHOS.)

Unfortunately, the firefighter community has a knack for rumors. And every love story has an antagonist. After believing we had gotten through the hardest time of adversity the time following his wife’s death and my divorce, we were mistaken and met with a hard reality this year- the more people you help, the more people who know your name, the more haters you attract. We went through a period of time last Fall, where we were getting attacked from all angles. People we trusted, lied to us. People we were honest to, used our openness against us. People we supported, shamed us behind our backs. After many increasing blows to our souls, one department in particular, for which I will abstain from naming, let me pour my heart out in a Chiefs meeting with our story- our failures, our successes, and our passion, and our desire to support their members, and as soon as I left the room, they discussed the rumor about us they believed to be true. The Chief shared with his staff immediately following my exit, that I was Dave’s mistress, and that Dave and I colluded to kill his late wife. Just call us, Bonnie and Clyde.

I cannot quite put into words what it’s like for the tragedies of Dave’s past to be turned into lies for the entertainment of others. It’s sickening. I quickly approached this department with respect and dignity and shared our reality, and shared the detriment it causes us to experience such disappointing and hurtful interactions. I am not afraid of speaking my mind, particularly when it comes to our TRUTH, and particularly when it comes to the integrity of my husband.

The departments we work with, know our story, they know our failures, they hear our hearts, they SUPPORT our tragedies. We don’t live in fear. Chief Husley and Dave had a honest conversation one day about Dave’s past. Dave left that day with more acceptance of himself, more ability to be vulnerable, more clarity on our purpose. Because Chief did not fear our brokenness, he beheld it.

It’s difficult for me to not want to rage against this injustice. And. I won’t. I will write, and I will move forward, and Dave and I will love our people. And love them harder. Because this community has statistics rooting against them. To stay alive in their minds and in their bodies, is defying many of the odds. Divorce is twice as high as civilian couples, PTSI (post traumatic stress injury) is inevitable, and responder departments are 3 times more likely to experience suicide than a LODD (line of duty death). We don’t have time to worry about the dogs. BARK. You won’t stop us. Prove me wrong.

“You say — ‘It’s unfortunate that this has happened to me.’ No. It’s fortunate that this has happened and I’ve remained unharmed by it — not shattered by the present or frightened of the future. It could have happened to anyone. But not everyone could have remained unharmed by it.” - Marcus Aurelius

6.) Being witnessed is the most beautiful thing in the world. Dave and I have literally given our time and lives to supporting others. We firmly believe it is part of our purpose in this world. We have spent most of our career timelines building fortitude around this mission and preparing ourselves to be sacrificed in the process. We witness. We sit in others’ traumas, pains, grief, losses, triumphs, hopes, stories, successes. The sharing of oneself with others opens up a space where there once was none. Through this newfound space, positive memories develop and resilience can be restored. Witnessing is a mechanism by which to HEAR. We remind our communities that none of us are alone.

This banquet night, was a moment for us in which we were truly and never before, SEEN. The helpers saw us helping. There is no greater sight than the recognition of our sacrifice and dedication, and for no ulterior motive other than to simply tell us they see us. I have never felt this way before. Thank you to our LaSalle family. Your eyes and hearts are our enterprise.

In encouragement of this transformative healing of witnessing, I am asking each of you readers to spread this like wildfire. Call, text, video chat, send a card, and witness 3 people in your life. Spread the love. Finish reading this post and go do it now. Don’t let the moment pass, each one is fleeting.

“Associate with people who are likely to improve you. Welcome those who you are capable of improving. The process is a mutual one: men learn as they teach.” - Seneca

Thank you to our tribe. Chief Bear Husley, Chief Zach Hill, Chief Jeremy Young, Chief Chris Edwards, Undersheriff Matt Brown, Retired Sheriff Rick Albers, Chief Nate Busick, Chief Chris Bondus, Chief Paul Ondr, Chief Dave Montessi, Chief Ron Cameron, Chief Andrew Lorenz, EMS Director Buffy Witt, for drinking our Koolaid with grace and tenacity. And to the badass and amazing team members they lead…our crews, you are our heroes, you are irreplaceable, and you have made Elevate and our mission what is today…you all FUCKING ROCK.

This is our love story. #loveyoudontdie

Listen to: "Can I kick it?" by A Tribe Called Quest

PS. Thank you for my gummy bears.

La Salle Fire Banquet. 3.09.2024